


DNA Rifle

by MyButtholeIsSoSmall (thecursedtomb)



Category: The Locked Tomb Trilogy | Gideon the Ninth Series - Tamsyn Muir
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Body Horror, Crack, F/M, M/M, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:07:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29232759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thecursedtomb/pseuds/MyButtholeIsSoSmall
Summary: There is a list of words that have been used in fanfiction for dicks. I decided to try to write dios apate major using those terms. This is the result.
Relationships: Augustine the First/John Gaius | Necrolord Prime/Mercymorn the First
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	DNA Rifle

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I did this to myself....again

Mercy was determined to get her hands on some god sperm. This was their last hope even if she had to have a threesome to do it. She was not looking forward to looking like she was enjoying herself while she was interacting with John’s throbbing manliness and Augustine’s rigidness. 

But before she could interact with the ultimate expression of manness and the pocket rocket, they all had to get ridiculously drunk. This had to be believable of course. She walked into the dinning room and mentally prepared herself for the throbbing accumulations of rigid masculinity. 

She immediately downed an entire bottle of wine. If her pussy was gonna get pounded by either the one-eyed snake or the formerly caged viper, she had to have a little liquid courage for it. 

She spotted Augustine out of the corner of her eye sipping wine from his own glass. The thoughts of what they were about to do brought images of Augustine’s mighty sword of eros to her head. Then she looked at John who was having a grand time licking his wine from his cup like he was a dog just for the hell of it. 

Gideon also happened to be there. For a second she caught herself thinking about his lance of love and then shook her head to get the thought out of her mind. He wasn’t even going to be involved and yet she could not stop the intrusive thoughts throbbing giggle sticks. 

She waited and waited for Gideon to leave the room as he usually does. He finally did and Mercy made sure to turn the conversation into a horny direction. She turned to John and said “How about you show me your holy want of man juice?”   
Augustine nodded sagely. 

John got up from the table and kissed Mercymorn and placed her hand on the front of his pants where she could feel his pulsing man meat. Augustine got up and kissed John on the back of the neck and pushed himself up against him, presumably so that he could feel his glossy rod of muscle and blood. 

Mercy kissed John’s neck and tightened her grip on his fuck stem. She felt his organ enlarging under the fabric of his clothes. John lifted up her dress and slid his hand into her panties to feel the folds of her pussy. They were not very wet as Mercy was not turned on at all so she remedied it by using her flesh magic coat her insides with a questionable liquid. 

John broke the kiss and cocked and eyebrow at Mercy. 

“Sorry,” said Mercy, “you know I like it weird, I’ll get back to fondling your engorged staff now,” and plunged her hand into John’s underwear. Now she could feel his hungry dragon, twitching desperately to be touched. 

Meanwhile he saw John’s other hand slide into Augustine’s pants to search for his cherry splitter. By the moan Augustine made, it was pretty obvious that John had found his purple headed warrior. 

Augustine moaned as John stroked his holy wand in his pants. His throbbing meat wand was really feeling those holy god hands, obviously meant for jerking off burning sausages. 

Mercy pulled down John’s pants and his underwear so that she could get a better look at his pants weasel. She needed to calculate the trajectory of his sperm by approximating where it would go. The plan was that either she would create a chipmunk pouch in her mouth and hold the sperm for safe keeping after John had used prince everhard of the netherlands to come into her mouth. Or if John chose the Augustine asshole route Augustine would clench very hard after John thrust his mayonnaise canon into his ass for the final time before emptying. 

As Mercy was thinking about this and absentmindedly stroking John’s wand of penetration, Augustine’s pants had also come off to reveal his venom cock. Augustine’s organic crotch gun was about the same size as John’s purple-headed yogurt squirter. (You can imagine them whatever size you want, it’s a fantasy, and obviously this is an extremely sexy fanfiction for you to fantasize about, you horny armadillo slut, OH FUCK wrong fic, sorry, I will be on my way now.) 

Mercy took off her dress so that she didn’t look suspicious as the only one with her clothes still on. At the same time Augustine and John took the time to take their shirts off so that they weren’t just standing there with their throbbing lavender man-fruit things out and a shirt still on. Sperm shooters and pecks were meant to be viewed together. 

The all stood naked in a triangle for a brief moment and looked at eachother. Augustine’s eyes went from Mercy’s tits, to her pussy, to John’s bacon torpedo, and then down to his own gristle mistle. He looked down at his mauve avenger like he was in love with it. 

John also decided to scan the triangle with his eyes, also looking at Mercy first, then down at Augustine’s tantalizingly tree-trunk-girthed missile. 

They all got close and Augstine and John started sword fighting with their MIGHTY MAN NOODLES. Mercy got down on her knees and tried to get her tongue to rub along John’s sugar quill and Augustine’s meager meat pole as they were fighting for dominance. Her tongue managed to catch mere tiny licks of both Augustine’s giant sausage and John’s silent flute. 

Then John turned to her and stuck his pike of pleasure in her mouth. Mercy made sure to prepare her chipmunk pouch to catch the godly sperm from John’s beloved guest. Then Augustine tried to fit his gargantuan blue fire hydrant of a cock into Mercy’s mouth as well as though he was trying to fight John’s horrible wet mushroom out because he wanted all the god sperm to himself and his holy ass. It was meant for clenching. 

Augustine bent a little to try to entice John to put his sword into his lyctor’s asshole. John took the bait and prepared his thing that looks like an exclamation point with the lube bucket they kept under the dining room table. He carefully placed his rock hard fuck tool into Augustine’s ass slowly, then built up the rhythm so Augustine could really feel his fishing pole. 

Meanwhile Mercy was still stuck with Augustine’s batter blaster in her mouth so she sucked idly while thinking about her laundry. She also worked some flesh magic to make certain that John would come A LOT. John let out a moan as he emptied his burrito into Augustine’s asshole. 

Finally, thought Mercy his bstick of miracles was done. 

After John had emptied his DNA rifle, he motioned to Mercy to stand up and got down on his knees to suck Augustine’s secret lollipop as a thank you for letting him use his asshole. He also used a hand to toy at Mercy’s pussy again and Mercy kissed Augustine to try to convince John that she was still totally into this threesome. 

Once Augustine was finally on the verge of emptying his one-eyed wonder-worm, Mercy prepared a flesh magic orgasm to go off at the same time, because if she had to endure this, she might as well come. 

Augustine came from his south pole into John’s mouth, Mercy got herself off, and the whole fiasco was finally over. 

They all put on their clothes and went their separate ways until later when Augustine met up with Mercy to give her the holy sperm he had collected.


End file.
